That’s right, kids. I’ve been an L.A. resident for half a year TODAY. As in, my “L.A. Year One” is half OVER.
Holy crap. Where DOES the time go?
Time passes a bit differently here, I’ve noticed. It’s a bit Twilight Zone. I feel as though I just got here, and I feel like I’ve been here my whole life. It’s a strange thing having relatively consistent weather.
The past six months have been wonderful, and tumultuous, and exhilarating, and strange. They’ve been busy and boring. Mostly, they’ve been eye-opening. I’ve learned more about myself in the past six months than I have in the past several years. What I’m willing to do and not do. What I’m willing to work on, and what I’m willing to let go. That’s one of the benefits of being in an entirely new city away from your solid base of family and friends – you get to see yourself in full and figure out what you want to keep or discard without the people who know you best commenting on how “that’s not like you.”
At the same time, I’ve missed New York terribly. I see my friends back home making plans with each other over Facebook, and I wish I could join them. I see my friends and family going through hard times and wish I could be there in person to hug them. I have friends having babies and buying houses and I won’t be there either for the births or the housewarmings. It’s hard. It’s all the harder going through this in my early 30s rather than in my 20s.
And yet, when I think about how stifled I felt in New York toward the end of my time there, I realize I wouldn’t change a thing. As difficult as certain things have been, or as uncertain, I realize that this is actually the happiest I’ve ever been. For the first time, I’m dealing with my life as it is, not lamenting what could be, because I’m making the life that could be actually happen. I’m living that life. When I wake up every day, my life might not be perfect, but it’s exactly what I want, and it’s concrete, and it’s real, and it’s mine.
There’s a lot that’s wrong with L.A. (don’t even get me started on their backwards public transportation system), but the thing that’s most right is the way the city allows you to create your life out of thin air. New York may be the “concrete jungle where dreams are made of” (look into correct use of prepositions, Alicia Keys), but Los Angeles gives you the permission and resources to build your own dreams. Right now, that’s exactly what I need.
Thank you, Los Angeles! And thank you to all of my West Coast friends!